ozzyosborntodie: can Dora find you a sense of humor
its funny because people think im quiet but im just listening to everyones conversations and figuring out your weaknesses and ill use them against you to get further in life because i hate everyone
skypestripper: hi yes i would like a glass of attention please
cyberdepressed: if u ever feel bad about urself just think about the people who use their selfies as their lock screen or wallpaper
This is what Yahoo paid $1.3 Billion for.
lizzlemcguizzle: i take you to the candy shop
drarna: everyone knows the old joke where you attach the caption “an old pic of me” to a photograph of a sperm cell, but to get some REAL laughs, take the joke even further by attaching the same caption to a picture of your father’s testicles
spookyjar: what is popular text post how do text post good
How the Logic of "Friendzoning" Would Work If...
*Man walks into a store and finds employee*
Man: Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?!
Employee: Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application?
Man: I never filled out an application.
Employee: Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application.
Man: No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!
Employee: Well, but that doesn't-
Man: AND I even told you that I didn't have a job!
Employee: But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring.
Man: OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane!
Employee: Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?
Man: Well no, but what does that matter?
Employee: ...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience.
Man: Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you.
Employee: That...doesn't make any sense.
Man: NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
Man: Fuck you, slut.
oomshi: britney spears a fish to feed her family
ronaldreagay: started from the bottom and i’ve managed to get worse
tourdatesforjonesy: do you ever just see your friends getting really close with other people and you can just feel yourself slowly becoming less important to them and you get this really deep ache in your heart and everything just hurts
the-yolocaust: is this who marina and the diamonds is
1500hp: what are femails
i never really liked my name much until i found out what it tastes like when you sigh it into my mouth
soselfimportant: 4:35 Blaze it sorry traffic was crazy
assiest: life is full of little surprises, for example: ‘dog food lid’ when read backwards is ‘dildo of god’ truly amazing
blvckness: started from the bottom
annanicolesmithfanblog: yes 911 i saw somebody reblog a picture of weed
clamperl: clamperl: I HAVE A TEST TOMORROW AND I LOST THE NOTES
thetowndrugdealer: I’m perfect
hiddle-stoned: I love how Harry just accepts that he’s a wizard, goes with a mysterious giant, walks through a brick wall to a hidden street to buy fucking magic equipment, but the one thing he can’t believe is that there’s a Platform 9 and three quarters.
jardestiel: jake-spanish: jake-spanish: ...
twoidjitsinthetardis: thiskittydied: boygrimlark: scout-ebubbles: docot: freddybenson: leovaldezstyle: freddybenson: A B C the brazilian wandering spider’s venom can give you an erection lasting for hours D E F G
jaclcfrost: “shouldn’t you be sleeping”
kingofbear: when someone says their eyes change colour